This post was penned a decade ago and edited on 24 Oct 2023.
The world has changed greatly since then, but the three nations still play the same leading roles on the global stage of the Mud Planet as it was in July 2013.
The United Stockbrokers is the most aggressive as always, and the Rebels Federation has taken an armed uprising. As for The People’s Republic of Porcelain, the concubine mentality has been more or less swept away but from time to time some chronic hoarding disorder sufferers would reconnect with their old hobby and pick up things from the garbage bin.
Vice Premier of The Porcelain Republic: OMG, I’m so nervous to meet with you, and I don’t even know where to put my hands. Look at my tie, do you like the pattern? I wear this just for you – stars in my eyes and stripes on my tie.
President of The United Stockbrokers: Hang on. Let me ask you this first. Why did you reject my request?
Vice Premier of The Porcelain Republic: (seeing many starts) Hummm – request, about?
President of The United Stockbrokers: One of my kids recently became very rebellious and ran to your front door. I requested you to send him back, but you ignored me and let him slip away to your neighbour’s front yard – I want to know your reason.
Vice Premier of The Porcelain Republic: (head reeling, seeing more starts): This – is, because – humm – I left Broad East, and, live in North Capital, which is very far from Perfume Harbour, hum, I seldom go to the front door and, and didn’t know what the guard, the guards did to your kid.
A Pocelian officer: Mr. President, we also have wanted some naughty kids who led to the death of their brothers and sisters but you allowed them to run into your bedroom and hide them in your toilet, for instance, a woman from Eastern Chicken Farm and a man from Law of Hoop Game.
President of The United Stockbrokers: Let me tell you something. It is up to me to determine which kids are good kids and which kids are bad kids.
A Pocelian officer: The Snowy kid hurts no one and killed nobody, but tries to stop you from stalking and harming our kids and your kids and all the kids on the planet.
President of The United Stockbrokers: (to Porcelain Vice Premier): Who is this guy? Has he got any idea whom he is talking to?
A Pocelian diplomat: (to Pocelian officer) Stop making a fuss about our runaway kids. Don’t you understand it is very dangerous to provoke the Stockbrokers? We are “一荣俱荣 一损俱损” (being bound together for good or ill).
A Pocelian officer: So Porcelain people will be bound to pay the price for the Stockbrokers’ ill acts including invading Mesopotamia, bombing IRP, spying on the world as well as piling weapons at the Porcelain’s broken Torn Waste corner, military support to Nippon, air strike of Porcelain embassy and mid-air collision with Porcelain aircraft, isn’t it?
President of The United Stockbrokers: (to his assistant) Very well, very well. Tell the Congress, I’ll sign the bill to help their Torn Waste corner gain a seat in the Interkingdom Civil Aviation Organization, and, and, I’ll force Porcelain companies to provide Stockbrokers regulators with audit papers and, (to Vice Premier of The Porcelain Republic) and with further measures to be considered for you turning down my request, including cutting off some ties.
Vice Premier of The Porcelain Republic: Don’t get angry with me, please, don’t decouple me. That will be very very – expensive, think how much it cost Stockbrokers’ jewellery oligarch when he decoupled his Porcelain wife, that is billions of dollars, please do not think of decoupling.
President of The United Stockbrokers: Don’t tell me what I should do.
Vice Premier of The Porcelain Republic: I’m not telling you what to do, but, O, could you please, “please tell me how I am supposed to live without you! Now that I’ve been lovin’ you so long, how am I supposed to live without you, how am I supposed to carry on when all that I’ve been livin’ for is gone -”
President of The United Stockbrokers: Stop singing Michael Bolten and stop saying we are a couple – I have my wife at home and, thank God, she is a real woman, and is really a woman that I can assure you. What are you? A eunuch or a shemale? Tell you what, you are not even qualified to be my concubine.
President of The Rebels Federation: My dear Stockbrokers friend, I have this latest piece of intelligence for you.
President of United Stockbrokers: Ya? What is it?
President of The Rebels Federation: Your run-away kid likes my home better than yours.
President of United Stockbrokers: Ar-ha, ar-ha, I know, I know that.
President of The Rebels Federation: He formally asked me to let him stay.
President of United Stockbrokers: Aha, yeah –
President of The Rebels Federation: Now you listen carefully, I don’t want to harm you, but I can’t bear seeing a kid abused by his parent.
President of The United Stockbrokers: Yeah, yeah, so –
President of The Rebels Federation: So it is not unlikely that I may let him stay, for a while at least, until you have learned how to respect other nations on the planet and stop spying on other kids, do you get my point?
President of The United Stockbrokers: Aha, aha- shit! What if I request you to return him back to me?
President of The Rebels Federation: I guess I’ll have to turn down your request, my dear friend.
President of The United Stockbrokers: That’s tough, I don’t like it.
President of The Rebels Federation: I know, I know how you feel, I’m sorry, but, that’s the way of life! Now, what are you gonna do? To help Churchers to gain a seat in the Interkingdom Civil Aviation Organization? Or to force Rebels companies to provide Stockbrokers regulators with audit papers?
President of United Stockbrokers: Well, I can tell you that your refusal will certainly have a negative consequence on the Stockbrokers-Rebels relationship.
A Rebel from Rebels Today: Let’s see what Rebels-Stockbrokers relations we are discussing:
- Stockbrokers provided support to some Churchers who were terrorists
- Stockbrokers provided support to Geo-ragers who attacked Rebel peacekeepers and civilians
- Stockbrokers puts missiles on Rebels’ borders
- Stockbrokers attacks Rebels’ allies by sending/supporting/arming terrorists
- Stockbrokers is waging propaganda wars against Rebels
- Stockbrokers funds and offers media and other support for anti-government groups in Rebels Federation
So what exactly may become worse? Could anyone name a single result of so-called “Rebels-Stockbrokers relations” that is accidentally good for Rebels and worth bothering about?
President of The Rebels Federation: Did you hear what that guy said? Do you want me to repeat it for you?
President of The United Stockbrokers: That wouldn’t be necessary, umph, I guess I’ll cope. Bug me, why you are my Rebel friend, not my Porcelain lover?
A Porcelian diplomat: (to Rebels) Stop the hype about their runaway kid. It was Snowy’s routine visit to your capital airport but he forgot to bring his passport so was stuck there.